


Losing You

by Warp5Complex_Archivist



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-06-20
Updated: 2006-06-19
Packaged: 2018-08-16 07:46:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8093857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Warp5Complex_Archivist/pseuds/Warp5Complex_Archivist
Summary: Archer begins to contemplate his own feelings after nearly losing T'Pol in an accident.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Kylie Lee, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Warp 5 Complex](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Warp_5_Complex), the software of which ceased to be maintained and created a security hazard. To make future maintenance and archive growth easier, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but I may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Warp 5 Complex collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/Warp5Complex).

Captain Jonathan Archer stepped into his quarters and finally felt like he could breath again. It helped a great deal, being in a more familiar environment, he waited for the door to shut behind him and he walked over to his bunk, collapsing on to it. As soon as he did so, he was greeted by a wash from his Beagle. "Hey Porthos," he said sitting back up and rubbing Porthos' ears. He looked down to him, lifting his head so he could look into his eyes, "You can sense I'm not having a good day can't you boy?" Porthos wagged his tail slowly, back and fourth as if in response.

"Well I have," Archer said back to him sadly and getting up, "A really bad one. One of the worst I've had since we left Earth." He glanced over to Porthos who had also jumped off the bed and retreated to his small basket in the corner of the room. Archer looked at some family photos on his shelf, "T'Pol took a science team down to the surface of the M class planet I told you about," he smiled slightly as he turned back to Porthos, at least someone was a good listener, that's the thing about dogs he loved. They never judged you, or if they did, they couldn't voice their opinion. He carried on, "She wanted to carry out a survey on something or other," he ran a hand through his hair, "I forget..." he lowered his tone, his gaze distant, "The shuttlepod crashed..."

He had to steady himself as he walked back over to his bunk and sat down, "When Malcolm told me what happened...I feared the worst," he confessed, "I really did. I knew that T'Pol and two other crewmen were in shuttlepod two when it went down." He turned to face Porthos who had taken on the liberty of standing up, then slumping back down, "I didn't take a moment to think about the two crewmembers, all I could think about was T'Pol, what if she was injured, had they even survived..." he stood back up and began to pace. "I don't think I've ever been so frightened in all my life..." Archer said softly.


	2. Chapter 2

Archer finally snapped out of it, finally stopped staring at the wall ahead.  
"I ordered Malcolm, Travis and Phlox to get down there in shuttlepod one straight away," he said thinking back to it. How uncertain he had been, he wasn't prepared for what they might find. He guessed he didn't go with them cause he didn't want them to see his reaction if the worst had happened.  
What would they think? Their commanding officer, the person they look up to, to see him fall apart. "I didn't want to take the chance," he whispered, now it seemed to be more or less to himself but he didn't care. It was either this or recording a log, he looked over to the computer contemplating and shook his head. Perhaps that wasn't such a good idea after all. He thought back to the past few hours...

\---

_10 hours earlier..._

_Archer was on the bridge; as usual he stood over Mayweather. For some reason, he just couldn't sit still in the command chair, it was his chair but it had always been the type of person who couldn't just...how did Trip always put it, 'sit on his hands.' He looked at the viewscreen focusing on the planet, he turned to T'Pol and supressed a smile as she worked away, turning to the console one minute and looking into her viewer the next. "Captain," she asked turning and looking up to him. He glanced back to the viewscreen then back to her, "Yeah," he answered._  
"My scans show that a rare plant appears to grow in the Southern Hemisphere," she answered, "The plant has properties that I am sure, Dr Phlox will find useful."  
Archer smiled slightly, "I'm sure he would, what's the atmosphere like?"  
"78 Nitrogen, and 22 Oxygen," she replied looking down to the console.  
"Then by all means, take a shuttlepod and a survey team."  
"Thank you captain." 

_Archer, T'Pol and Commander Tucker walked over to the shuttlepod, T'Pol stepped forward and looked into the shuttlepod, Archer heard her say a few words to Crewman Taylor and Ensign Turner inside, then she turned back to Archer and Trip. "We are ready to proceed," she said calmly._  
He nodded to her and watched as she quickly climbed into the shuttlepod.  
"Sure you don't want Malcolm to go down with you?" he asked seriously, a little concerned about their how they were.  
T'Pol popped her head out the hatch, "I've scanned the planet. It is uninhabited."  
"So was that planet we visited...remember the rock people," Trip piped up. T'Pol, if Archer had to guess, did her best to glare at him, "Thank you for your much needed sarcasm Commander."  
"Anytime," he said smiling. T'Pol turned back to Archer.  
"There is nothing down there that could harm us..."  
"You never know with those bugs," he commented although his joke was wasted on a Vulcan, Trip seemed to like it though as he glanced to him. Archer turned back to regard T'Pol but she had already closed the hatch and disappeared back inside. 

\----

"It never occurred to me then...that as soon as that hatch closed," Archer had to stop for a moment and glanced over to Porthos, slightly amazed that he still had his attention. Porthos looked up to him and wagged his tail, "It could have been the last time I saw T'Pol." He shook his head slowly.

He had already been through the events of the day; did he really need to recap them? Why was it so necessary to go over them until they made sense but that was the problem, all these emotions he was feeling didn't make sense? The whole situation...made no sense. Why on earth did he feel this concerned, accidents happened all the time, why did this one effect him so profoundly.

"And my last words to her would have been a joke about bugs," he said sadly looking ahead, "A joke...to a Vulcan."


	3. Chapter 3

Archer stood up and walked over to his bookshelf, he kept a variety of old books on here. Somehow, it seemed better to read from a book than a PADD all the while, it certainly seemed better to him anyhow. He searched through the titles and picked the first one that appealed to him, smiling he pulled it out and looked at the cover. He walked back over and sat down, carefully placing it next to him, he looked to Porthos. "Where was I?"

\----

_"The shuttlepod's about to land on the surface," Reed said from his position. Archer turned to face him in the command chair, it was a real change for him to sit in it, and he felt he was beating a record, 10 whole minutes. He glanced to Hoshi. "T'Pol to Enterprise."_  
He nodded to her and she pressed a button, opening the channel, "Archer here," he answered, a little relieved to hear her voice.  
"We are preparing to land captain," she answered, he could imagine her, checking all monitors around her as Ensign Turner came into land, "We should be on the surface in.." the comm crackled and T'Pol's voice sounded broken. He stood up so quickly, it shocked even him. It was irrelevant right now; it crossed over to Hoshi in two strides, "Interference?"  
"Possibly," Hoshi answered, her fingers working away quickly over the console.  
"I think it is captain," Reed said calmly, "I've lost them...although Sub Commander T'Pol did mention that there was a possibility of that happening." 

_Archer looked down to his console, his stomach tightening ever so slightly. Okay so it was something that they couldn't avoid, but he never liked been out of contact with personnel who were ashore._

_Archer turned his attention to Reed, "Malcolm..."  
Reed narrowed his eyes and focused on the keypad of his own console, he looked up to the monitors, "I'm getting a picture..." he said, "I think the interference is clearing." He looked up the screen as it slowly faded from the stars to the shuttle... his eyes quickly darted to Archer, as did Hoshi's._

_Archer took a step forward, speechless. There was nothing he could say; hell there was nothing to say. "Lifesigns?" He asked, the shuttlepod had crashed, it was clearly visible now, he feared for the lives of the crewmen in there. He turned back to Reed who clearly hadn't heard him, "Lifesigns?" he shouted._  
"I'm not getting any readings but the interference has seen to that," Reed answered, his voice shaking ever so slightly. Archer stepped behind Mayweather and tapped him on the shoulder, "Go prep shuttlepod one," he glanced to Reed, "I want you and Phlox down there...now." Reed stood up, he didn't know what to do, he looked to the viewscreen, to Mayweather and to Archer before answering, "Aye sir."  
He watched them and the turbolift doors shut; he turned back to Hoshi. "Try hailing them," he whispered softly. He looked back up to the viewscreen. 


	4. Chapter 4

Archer was getting frustratingly good at zoning out. He shook himself out of it and looked to one of the monitors, it was at least 23:30 hours, he looked down to Porthos, "I think it'll be best not to bother him," he said softly. He got up and walked over to his small closet, he found a pair of sweats and a blue T-shirt. He quickly got changed out of his uniform and into them, thankful for the feeling of them. Nothing more relaxing than getting out of his uniform at the end of the day, he sat down and looked at it. Following the gold bands at the top and running his fingers along the four pips. Without looking to him, Archer began talking to Porthos, "I had to wait 20 minutes for Malcolm to report back..." he laughed lightly, "Seemed like the longest 20 minutes of my life."

\----

_Archer paced back and fourth along the bridge, he stopped for a few seconds to address Sato, "Hoshi..." he asked. She turned to her own console, and opened a channel. "Enterprise to Shuttlepod Two. Shuttlepod Two please respond." She looked back to Archer nervously, "No response...the interference is getting in the way."_  
'Or they're dead,' Archer nodded. "No problem," he pressed his comm on the arm of his chair, "Archer to Lieutenant Reed."  
"Go ahead sir," came the response.  
"How long until it get to the shuttlepod's position?" Archer quizzed.  
"At least 10 minutes," he replied then said something inaudible to Phlox, he was obviously struggling with the helm controls, and â€œThe weather's quite rough captain."  
"If you can't get through it, you can alwa..."  
"Nothing I can't handle captain," he answered firmly; Reed was obviously as determined as him to find them.  
"Fine, report back as soon as you get there."  
"Will do sir. Reed out." Hoshi cut the transmission and turned to Archer, waiting for him to give her some kind of order, Mayweather did the same, glancing to his left where Archer stood. 

_"I'll be in my readyroom," Archer finally replied heading off the bridge._

\----

Porthos was now back in his basket and indulged in washing himself, or he appeared to be. "I sat in that readyroom and looked out at the stars...until the comm finally sounded," he shook his head as he thought back. He had been, he was close to shaking as he spoke to Hoshi.

\----

_Archer looked out his readyroom and out to the stars, most times they helped calm him. Why? He had no idea, that's one of the real reasons he came in here, sure he was working or recording logs but sometimes, when he was really upset or something had gone wrong. Archer would come in here, relax and think, with the stars as his inspiration. The comm sounded and slowly he moved over to his desk, "Go ahead."_  
"Captain, its Lieutenant Reed sir."  
"Thanks Hoshi," he said and straightened up, allowed himself a few moments. He closed his eyes, put his hands together, and breathed deeply. 'You can do this Jon,' he thought as his hands moved to the button to open the door. 

_Archer stepped out onto the bridge; he walked straight over to Hoshi. As soon as he got to her station, "Malcolm?"_  
"Captain," Reed's voice came through clearly, Archer couldn't sense anything in his voice thatindicated that there was any bad news. "We've located the shuttlepod..."  
"And T'Pol," he asked then suddenly added, "And her crew."  
"Ensign Turner and Crewman Taylor are a little shaken, just cuts and bruises sir," Reed answered. Archer frowned slightly, "And T'Pol?"  
"She's unconscious captain," this time it was Phlox. "I'm monitoring her vital signs." 

_Archer nodded and saw Hoshi and Travis glance to one another, "Is she..."_  
"She'll be fine captain," Phlox assured him, "Once we get her back to Sickbay."  
"Take your time," Archer answered and looked to Hoshi, "Archer out." He walked back over to his chair and sat down, relieved at the situation. Glad that they were all right, he tapped the comm on his chair, "Archer to Commander Tucker."  
"Tucker here."  
"When Malcolm gets back, I want you to take an engineering team down to the surface...find out what happened to shuttlepod two."   
"Understood." 

\-----

"Trip still hasn't reported back on that yet," Archer answered softly. "I went to visit T'Pol as soon as they arrived back onboard...just seeing her," he shook his head slowly.


	5. Chapter 5

"The sight of the shuttlepod." Archer said softly sitting at the top of the bed, "Scared the hell out of me. It was so unexpected," he said shaking his head slowly and stroking Porthos who had decided it was time to curl up next to his master. He smiled at the beagle; he wondered for a brief second what it was like to be him. To have no worries, to not be the captain. "Though I suppose it's something you could never be prepared for, no one knew it was gonna happen."

Sometimes, Archer did have doubts. Doubts on whether he was a good commanding officer, if he always made the right decisions. He wondered what his dad would have thought about the whole situation, and what he would've done.

If it weren't for the Vulcans...he stopped. He was doing it again, always blaming the Vulcans. Okay, so they had held back just enough information but not all Vulcans were the same, he had learnt that from his friendship with T'Pol. She had taught him a lot in the time he had known her, changed his opinion and views. Perhaps that's why he was afraid to lose her? Did he, somehow, in his own way need her?

He smiled slightly and patted Porthos on the head. "This isn't good for me," he whispered shaking his head, Porthos lifted his head and looked at him, "Perhaps I should see Phlox." He looked at the Beagle and shrugged, at least if he was talking to himself he knew someone was listening. "I was so relieved to see her," he narrowed his eyes. "I don't think anyone knows just how relieved..."

\---

_Archer stepped into Sickbay, the first thing he saw was Phlox, tending to the two crewmen who had accompanied T'Pol to the surface. Without saying a word, his eyes starting wandering around the sickbay and finally fell on the third biobed where T'Pol lay. He moved his foot and realisedhe couldn't move, it was as if there was an invisible wall in his path, why couldn't he move? Was he so moved by the sight of his science officer? He had seen her in worse situations than this, what was so different about this one? Eventually, he stepped forward and approached her._

_He stopped himself three steps away. She looked, Archer decided, actually quite peaceful. She lay on her back; he leaned forward and saw a cut on her left cheek, to him it looked quite deep. He searched for Phlox, "Doc?"_  
"Captain," Phlox answered suddenly realising that he was here. He walked over to him, "What can I do for you?"  
"I wanted to see how everyone is," Archer said, although he was wondering why on earth he would have to explain himself, he was the captain after all. He glanced to the two crewman and then T'Pol, "How is she?"  
"T'Pol has a mild concussion and a deep cut of her left cheek," Phlox said in a cheerful voice, "If she were a human female, I'd imagine she'd have a very nasty fracture...I'm about to stitch it up."  
"Why isn't she awake?" Archer asked, he took another step forward to look more closely at the cheek, and he had a sudden awareness of how close he was to her. He took a step back.  
"I'm keeping her under for the moment," Phlox explained, "It would be best while I administer treatment."  
Archer nodded and smiled to him, "Keep me posted." He turned round and paused at the doors, he turned round to glance at T'Pol one more time and then pressed the button. Leaving Sickbay. 

\---

Archer patted Porthos on the head, "Enough of my problems," Archer answered taking off his shirt and climbing into bed, "Let's just say she's gonna be just fine." He patted the side of his bed, sometimes he let Porthos sleep beside him and sometimes he'd make him sleep in his basket. Tonight, he decided that it would be nice to have some comfort, and Porthos always provided that.  
Porthos jumped on, licking his master's hand as he did, "Settle down," he said softly and reached for the light. He turned it off and rolled on his back, he closed his eyes. The familiar beep of the door went off, he got up muttering slightly, and turning the lights back on. He sat up and put the T-Shirt on, "Come in."


	6. Chapter 6

Archer looked to the door and waited a few seconds while it opened, it had no idea of who it was that would be coming through. Normally it would have been T'Pol but she was...right here. T'Pol stepped through, in a very graceful manner. "Captain," she said seeing the look on his face, "Are you feeling alright?"  
"I am now," he muttered under his breath, not sure whether she had heard it or not. "I'm good," he said getting off the bed, "And you?"  
"Doctor Phlox says I am in good health," she answered calmly, "Although, he says my cheek will be tender for the next few days."  
Archer nodded and looked to the cheek, he couldn't stop himself from wincing, "I'm not surprised," he finally answered and glanced to Porthos as he jumped off the bed with interest, he ran over to T'Pol. He stood up on his hind legs and pawed at her legs, Archer frowned, "Porthos..." he said.  
"I am...growing accustomed to Porthos," T'Pol said and gingerly patted him on the head. Archer couldn't believe what he was seeing, he wondered whether calling Phlox was in order...since when did T'Pol like Porthos, since when did she even attempt to stroke him. He couldn't help but watch on in wonder, and had to fight the smile that was slowly forming.

Satisfied with that, Porthos made his way over to his water dish. Archer turned back to T'Pol, wondering what the hell just happened here but it wasn't a big concern, she didn't have to explain herself to him. "I still don't know what happened down there," he finally said after a long silence.  
"I do captain," she answered shifting slightly, "I took the liberty of going down to engineering after Doctor Phlox released me from Sickbay."  
"Oh," he was all he had to offer in this point in time.  
"Commander Tucker was about to contact you with the results of the scans he and his team took," she stepped forward with a PADD and handed it to him, "There was a malfunction in two of the thrusters...it couldn't have been prevented." He took the PADD and glanced at it, as she would have expected him to. "I see," he answered. _An accident,_ he thought gazing at her, _I nearly lost you...in an accident, for what reason? Two stupid thrusters?_

"If there is nothing else," she said, sounding eager to get out. Was she trying to run away from him?  
"Is there a problem?"  
"I am anxious to began meditation," she confessed coolly, "After my experience today...I feel the need to begin early." Archer smiled to her, he understood clearly and respected that, respected the fact that she had admitted this to him. He got up, and followed her to the door. "No problem, see you bright and early," he said softly. She turned back to him and nodded, "Of course captain."  
She turned on her heel and walked away, "T'Pol..." she turned back to him, head inclined to one side, ready to listen to what he had to say. "I don't know what I would have done if I'd lost you today..."  
T'Pol, oblivious answered, "I'm sure you would have found a _suitable_ replacement."  
"Yes," he said grimly. "I guess I would have."  
She turned away and he let her carry on down the corridor, he watched her for a moment and waited until she had turned the corner. "But no one like you," he whispered to the empty corridor, "No one like you."

The End


End file.
